He seems like a decent bloke... for a bloody journo...

So I've been banging my head against the wall for the last week or so wondering how I wanted to pop my Merely Adequate cherry... I knew it was gonna have something to do with sports, mostly cause that's what has been getting on my nerves lately, and I kept thinking it was gonna have something to do with my annoyance with Major League Baseball and more so the way the media has covered MLB as of late. And then it hit me...

I should first state that while I do consider myself a sports fan, I'm not one of those guys who spend hours a day running twenty different fantasy teams or watching Sportscenter on a loop all day long. During the NFL season I devote my Sundays to my Direct TV, but who doesn't? I love March Madness, but unless the Knicks are in the playoffs I have a hard time getting into the NBA. And I'm gay for USA soccer and the UFC. So that being said, I'm a casual sports fan. I'm 18 to 35 years old. I like beer and I'm willing to spend my money on it. I'm what ESPN, the NFL, the MLB, and everyone else is shooting for. Now that you know where I'm coming from...

I've been losing interest in baseball lately because it's all so negative. You can't throw on any kinda show that deals with baseball without being bombarded with steroids bullshit. A-rod this, Manny that, whose clean, whose dirty. Who gives a crap? Stop ruining a sport that I loved as a child with your TMZ style coverage. That's the rant that I didn't wanna do for my first Merely Adequate blog. It didn't have any kinda direction... it was gonna come off as me being angry and dramatic (which I am, but I don't need it documented)...

And then it hit me...

I was watching Around The Horn and they were discussing UFC 100 and Brock Lesnar. Two of the panelists were very dismissive with the UFC, and it became apparent very quickly that it would take Jesus Christ himself coming down for UFC 101 and taking the belt to get a lot of sports journo's to acknowledge how big this sport was becoming. So I sat there chin on fist, elbow on desk, and pondered... Why is this sport so big with people under the age of 30 and yet the 40 plus crowd sprints away like Usain Bolt?

Click.

I have an XBOX. And an iPod. And internet access. A subscription to Netflix. A girlfriend. An unhealthy addiction to beer and cigarettes. A job... and yet I don't even think I have a lot going on. I can devote 16 to 20 Sundays a year to the NFL. I can watch March Madness once a year. Every month I'm willing to go watch men in underpants three sizes too small for them (GSP I'm talking about you) beat the shit out of each other. That's what these sports are built on. Events. Most people don't have time to watch 162 baseball games a year... not when Captain Phil is blowing their minds on a weekly basis...

So I guess that's my problem... I don't give a flying monkey tit if the French think Lance Armstrong is juicing... to be honest I care very little about Lance Armstrong and even less about the French cycling community... Zero reason it needs to be brought up every other day on ESPN for ten years now... mention it when it matters, move on... Stop creating content that belongs on daytime TV and then wonder why people freak out about the USA making the Confederation Cup Final or why the UFC is becoming as powerful as Rodimus Prime... Baseball is great, if it's triple plays, perfect games, and rally caps, but not if it's Days of our Lives. Sporting events that happen everyday aren't meant to be epic. People trying to make an extra buck by forcing sports to be something they're not does nothing but sully the happiness they are supposed to bring us. There's a reason why the Super Bowl and the World Cup are so huge. They're events, not just another game. You can't make a Dodgers/Mets game in July that important, no matter how hard you try. So let us have our sports the way we want them, innocent and fun... stop mucking it up by spending hours upon hours telling us why we should hate these people. We know why we should hate them... It's your job to show us why we should love them...

And there I go being all angry and dramatic...

I'll leave you with a quote I find fitting, from one of the greatest minds of our time, Brody Bruce...

"Breakfast come and go Renee... Now Hartford? The Whale? Hey they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime."

Black Wednesday

It's about fathers and sons, I suppose. Brothers. Friends. The competition of sport is the closest that most men (myself included) will ever get to the battle field. Deep bonds are formed. Bitter rivalries grow. Sports have a funny way of bringing out the rawest of emotions. Sports are one of the few things that I'm passionate about. Movies are another. Show me a good sports movie and I will be on my feet cheering in the middle of a crowded theatre.
There are two days each year when there are never any scheduled games in any of the four major US leagues. The day prior to the Major League Baseball all-star game, and today. The day after the MLB all-star game, also known to sports fans as Black Wednesday.
Since there are no games to watch or track tonight, I figured I might pop in a sports movie to quell the pain. Trying to decide which got me to thinking about my favorite sports movies, and I decided to jot them down, in the ever-popular top-ten list format.

First, some honorable mentions:

Any Given Sunday- Strong Performance by Al Pacino, and some pretty cool cinematography.

The Legend of Bagger Vance- If you don't like golf, don't bother, but if you do like golf, this is a really good flick.

Raging Bull- Everybody puts this in their top ten because it's Scorsese. Honestly, it's good but not great.

Blue Chips- Shaq, Penny, and Nick Nolte. This movie is actually a very clever comment on college sports recruiting.

Friday Night Lights- Didn't think this movie was great, but Derek Luke's performance as Boobie Miles is worth the price of a rental.

Chariots of Fire- Stands the test of time.

The Mighty Ducks-Emilio Estevez used to be the balls. What ever happened to him?

Breaking Away- You can't watch this movie and not stand up and cheer during the climactic race. Plus teenage Daniel Stern. Booyah.

The Program- A lot of really compelling characters in this one, and a really cool Guns n Roses football montage.

The Sandlot- A reminder of when baseball was baseball, and the world was a bit more innocent.

Jerry Maguire- "I see a guy comin at me, I say Fuck It. Catch the ball. Booyah! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!"

Wow, how did some of those not make the Top Ten. This list is either going to suck, or it's going to be the ten greatest movies of all time. Either way we'll all have to kill ourselves. I used a lot of criteria as I started to pick movies, but in order to narrow it down to ten, I had to basically look at the climactic scene of each flick. The louder I cheered, or harder I cried, the better the movie. Enough babble:

#10) We have a tie. (Ok, so this is a top 11.)
Number 10A is the Rocky Franchise. (Ok, so this is a top 16.) The first one is an incredible character study, the fourth one is a profound social comment, and everything else just makes you want to go punch people in the face. Stallone's a badass.
-"If I can change... and you can change... then everybody can change!"
Number 10B is Cool Runnings. As long as you don't take yourself too seriously, this movie is hilarious. And if you don't well up a little bit at the end of the bobsled race, you have no soul.
-"Derese, ya dead?"
-"No, man. But I have to finish the race."

#9) Remember the Titans. Admittedly, a little Disneyed out, but the dynamic between the two coaches is great. Denzel kicks some serious ass.
-"I don't want them to gain another yard! If they cross that line of scrimmage every last one of you is coming out!"

#8) Karate Kid. A cog of '80s cinema. I always wanted to be a shower curtain for halloween.
-"Man who catch fly with chopsticks, can accomplish anything."

#7) Field of Dreams. This movie is everything that a movie should be. It has heart. A journey. Magic. Costner. There are so many iconic moments in this film it's hard to pick one.
-"Hey... Dad? You wanna have a catch?"

#6) Cinderella Man. A lot of good boxing movies have been made. For me, this is number one. A guy who just fights to keep the heat on for his family. There is no purer motivation. The ups and downs are almost unbearable. The guy who plays Max Baer is a phenomenal villain. Seeing Jim Braddock beg for money from men that used to be his peers is one of the hardest things for me to see on a screen. Paul Giammatti and Russell Crowe are perfect.
-"Maybe I understand, some, about having to fight. So you just remember who you are... you're the Bulldog of Bergen, and the Pride of New Jersey, you're everybody's hope, and the kids' hero, and you are the champion of my heart, James J. Braddock."

Now the top 5. To me, these were easy. These five films stand head and shoulders above the rest. Putting them in order was difficult. Honestly, you could rearrange them however it pleased you, and I'd be fine with it.

#5) Rudy. The greatest story in the history of possibly the greatest tradition in all of football. On a certain level this is what every boy dreams of. Growing up to put on the jersey and play for the team that they worship. (A year or two ago there was a trade in hockey. A guy who had grown up in the small town of edmonton and realized his dream of playing for his hometown Edmonton Oilers had been traded away. At his press conference, he bawled. Not just choked up. Bawled. This is what I'm talking about.) I think the thing that sets this movie apart is that Rudy never becomes a phenomenal football player. This story is purely about perseverance. It is impossible to watch this movie and not jump up and cheer at the end. And Favreau is the shit as D-Bob.
-"Well, you know what my dad always said. 'Having dreams is what makes life tolerable.'"

#4) Mystery, Alaska. This one, I'm guessing, takes most of you by surprise. This might be the only top ten list that this movie is on. I like small town America. I like David vs. Goliath. And I can't watch this movie without tearing up. If you haven't seen it, rent it. And invite me over. It's funny, it's quirky, and it's compelling. Burt Reynolds is essentially the Mr. Miyagi of Hockey. Talk about a silver fox.
-"I play hockey and I fornicate 'cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather."

#3) Hoosiers. The ultimate David vs. Goliath story. Dennis Hopper and Gene Hackman at their best. The score is amazing. Your heart will race. When I was little my parents and I would watch this the night before my first basketball game every year. Then my dad would let me pretend I was Jimmy Chitwood, and shoot a few hoops in the driveway in my pj's before bed. A must-see.
-"Coach, you need one more."
(dramatic pause)
-"My team's on the floor."
(I rip my pants off)

#2) The Natural. In addition to being a super-compelling sports story, this is an incredibly well-made film. On some levels it is personal and real, and on others it is epic and magical. It touches all bases, pardon the pun. Possibly the best SCENE in any of these movies is when Roy Hobbs smashes the final homerun into the outfield lights, and sparks rain down over the field as he rounds the bases. ROD.
-"Pick me out a winner, Bobby."

You guessed it,
#1) Green Street Hooligans. Soccer flick. Enough said. The first time I saw this I was by myself, at the Arclight theatre in Hollywood. It was so intense that I found myself nervously chewing. I ate my ticket stub, and half of my soda cup. No joke. This movie is intense. It's real. Any guy who has ever had guy friends that he thinks of as brothers will cry. I mail-ordered the DVD to get it early and paid like thirty bucks for it. Last week it cost five at Best buy. Totally worth it.
-"We didn't kill your son, Tommy! You did! You shoulda protected him, mate! He was your son!"

Anything I forgot? Feel free to chime in.

I'm forever blowing bubbles. Pretty bubbles in the air. They fly so hi, they reach the sky, and like my dreams, they fade, and die. Fortune's always hiding, I've looked everywhere. I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air. United! United!

This one's for the ladies. But fellas, listen close...

While we all enjoy this weekend and use Independence Day as an excuse to gorge ourselves on food and alcohol, let's take a minute to just remember the sacrifices that have been made. I was gonna write something patriotic, but even I can't improve on this:



Some of you may have heard of or read the Sullivan Ballou Letter. Major ballou fought in the Civil War, not the Revolution, but gave his life for our country and its values nonetheless. A week before the battle of Bull Run he wrote probably the most compelling love letter in history to his wife, Sarah. Here is an excerpt:

July 14, 1861

Camp Clark, Washington

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .

Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .

Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull Run, July 21, 1861.