After two days of everybody I ran into telling me how much they loved Inglorious Basterds I finally made it to the theatre on Sunday night. I settled in to watch what I was assuming would basically be a reimagining of Kill Bill set in WWII Europe (Kill Adolf?). What I saw was basically a dramatic stageplay. A series of really long dialogue scenes where most of the characters sit in chairs and don't really move or do anything. The dialogue is pretty good, for the most part, but damn is there a lot of it.
One would think that the title characters would carry the action. They don't. The Basterds are actually only in about a third of the two and a half hour movie, and (PARTIAL SPOILER ALERT) they really don't play much of a role in how the final sequence plays out. (For those that have seen the flick, I think we can agree that everyone they killed was going to die anyway.)
Tarantino, as always, gets incredibly strong performances from his entire cast. While Brad Pitt steals every scene that he is in, that's kind of expected because, well, he's Brad Pitt. All of the Foreign actors in the film played their characters extremely well, and Christoph Waltz is phenomenal as the villain, Colonel Hans Landa, aka "The Jewhunter."
That said, I'm not sure what QT was thinking with this movie. While the scenes featuring Pitt and The Basterds are lousy with Tarantino's fingerprints, the rest of the film is sort of an odd tribute to early twentieth century European cinema. My suspicion? I'm guessing he wrote Inglorious Basterds, realized that it could've been titled Kill Adolf, and then added an entire new storyline to run alongside his slaughter/revenge plot so people didn't think he'd fallen into a rut. This other story, because it's so complex, ultimately dominates the screentime in the final cut. Pitt and The Basterds are limited to only a couple of really good scenes, and you've pretty much seen them both in the previews and advertisements.
The movie isn't bad, but it wasn't what was advertised. Had I gone into it without seeing all of the commercials and trailers, I'd probably have liked it a lot, actually. But, since I had seen all the best parts of the movie before paying my nine bucks: I give it a 2.5 out of 4.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A Brief History of the Man Who Won't Go Away
I first started to really follow sports in 1988 while living in the small town of Pacific Grove, CA which happens to be just short of 2 hours south of San Francisco. The Raiders were still in their self-imposed exile in Los Angeles so I became a fan of the Niners. These were not tough times to get on the bandwagon. They had two future Hall of Famers at QB. The team had won two Super Bowls earlier on in the decade and were perennially in contention for the playoffs. The team then proceeded to win the title later that year and again the next...then again in 1994. Then came the Green Bay Packers and a troublesome QB by the name of Brett Favre. Three straight years the Pack eliminated my team in the playoffs. I grew to despise Favre. I didn't care that he played the game with the enthusiasm of a school boy. I especially hated the "hop". You know...the fake throw that he sells by jumping up after handing the ball off that usually goes for at least 10 yards. I even hated the way his last name was pronounced and embarrassed myself in a crowded theatre by laughing hysterically at that scene in "There's Something About Mary" that every Niner fan knows by heart. Then came the 1998 season. We got the monkey off our back by beating the Pack in the playoffs on the last play of the game when Young hit an inexperienced receiver over the middle in the endzone who had 4 previous drops by the name of Terrell Owens. I'll never forget that play. I was able to no longer hate the Packers. I grew to enjoy watching Favre thread the football through two defenders and smile instead of scream.
Flash forward to the end of the 2007 NFL season.
Favre had led the Packers into the NFC Championship Game. He had a phenomenal game considering the sub-zero temperatures (including a club record 90 yard TD to Donald Driver) but threw an ill-advised pass in OT that was intercepted and set up the game winning FG by the Giants. In the ensuing off-season, Favre announced his retirement. Then he asked for his outright release, which the Packers rightfully declined saying he could compete in camp with his chosen successor Aaron Rodgers. He then claimed that we wasn't "fully committed" to the retirement and was "forced" into it by the Packers organization so that they could move forward. A few months later, after meeting with Packers head coach Mike McCarthy who realized that bringing him back would be detrimental to team morale, he was finally release and he signed with the NY Jets.
Flash forward to the off-season between the '08 and '09 NFL season.
After not re-signing with the Jets, Favre said he was retired. For good. The Vikings tried to say otherwise. They offered him a spot in camp, but he declined. He affirmed that he was staying retired and also mentioned that he required surgery on his throwing arm. Vikings head coach Brad Childress addressed the situation by saying that if indeed Favre wanted to come back, he would have to say so by the beginning of training camp. That deadline came and went with no sign of Favre outside of Mississippi. Then came August 18th. Almost a month after training camp had started, Favre signed with the Vikings.
This frustrates me to no end. Favre has not only denigrated his legacy but he has also started to insult his greatest fans, those of the Packers. He was quoted as saying that true Packers fans would understand him signing with a division rival because of his desire to play. Desire? If he so wants to play, why retire? The easy answer is that athletes love to compete and hate not being able to when they reach a certain age. Another thought is that he just doesn't like camp. News flash - most players don't. It's miserably hot and the two-a-days are brutal. My thoughts are that he just doesn't want to leave the game after disastrous endings (the INT in the playoffs and only 2 TD's vs 5 INT's in the last 5 games of last season). I think he will continue this charade until he can walk off into the sunset with a Lombardi trophy in hand.
Flash forward to the end of the 2007 NFL season.
Favre had led the Packers into the NFC Championship Game. He had a phenomenal game considering the sub-zero temperatures (including a club record 90 yard TD to Donald Driver) but threw an ill-advised pass in OT that was intercepted and set up the game winning FG by the Giants. In the ensuing off-season, Favre announced his retirement. Then he asked for his outright release, which the Packers rightfully declined saying he could compete in camp with his chosen successor Aaron Rodgers. He then claimed that we wasn't "fully committed" to the retirement and was "forced" into it by the Packers organization so that they could move forward. A few months later, after meeting with Packers head coach Mike McCarthy who realized that bringing him back would be detrimental to team morale, he was finally release and he signed with the NY Jets.
Flash forward to the off-season between the '08 and '09 NFL season.
After not re-signing with the Jets, Favre said he was retired. For good. The Vikings tried to say otherwise. They offered him a spot in camp, but he declined. He affirmed that he was staying retired and also mentioned that he required surgery on his throwing arm. Vikings head coach Brad Childress addressed the situation by saying that if indeed Favre wanted to come back, he would have to say so by the beginning of training camp. That deadline came and went with no sign of Favre outside of Mississippi. Then came August 18th. Almost a month after training camp had started, Favre signed with the Vikings.
This frustrates me to no end. Favre has not only denigrated his legacy but he has also started to insult his greatest fans, those of the Packers. He was quoted as saying that true Packers fans would understand him signing with a division rival because of his desire to play. Desire? If he so wants to play, why retire? The easy answer is that athletes love to compete and hate not being able to when they reach a certain age. Another thought is that he just doesn't like camp. News flash - most players don't. It's miserably hot and the two-a-days are brutal. My thoughts are that he just doesn't want to leave the game after disastrous endings (the INT in the playoffs and only 2 TD's vs 5 INT's in the last 5 games of last season). I think he will continue this charade until he can walk off into the sunset with a Lombardi trophy in hand.
60 Minutes in the life of Mike Vick
I sat down last night and watched the extended 60 Minutes interview with Michael Vick. I was curious to see how he would come across. Would he seem sincere? Would it be scripted, image fluffing nonsense writing by the Mike Vick PR department? Does he know the severity of the crimes he committed or is he just sorry he got caught? These are the answers I needed.
My curiosity comes from a very strange and rather selfish place... I want to forgive Michael Vick. I want to believe prison has changed him into a man that I don't necessarily want to route for (although that would be a different story if his green number 7 jersey was being warn in New York and not Philly) but a player I can watch with intrigue and without guilt. As the whole country, football fans and non football fans, choose sides I sit on the fence.
Why you ask?
December 1, 2002. I'm doing the Direct Ticket shuffle as the afternoon games are coming to an end looking for just a few more minutes of football. As I flip pass the Falcons/Vikings game I am pleased to see the fourth quarter ending and the score tied. I steal another beer from my Dad's fridge and settle in for another fifteen minutes of NFL. Or so I thought. Less then three minutes into overtime the Falcons have the ball just across mid-field. Mike Vick takes the snap and as the pocket collapses he rolls out to the left. He takes off down the middle of the field. He doesn't tuck the ball until he crosses the twenty-five, just as two Vikings close in on him. Vick cuts between the two defenders and even though you would not think it possible, speeds up. The two Minnesota players crash into each other like it was a scene out of a bad movie. Vick out ran at least eight players who had a shot at him to end the game on a 46 yard touchdown. It was the greatest play I've ever seen.
Michael Vick is my favorite football player to watch that has never worn a Jets jersey. Every time the man rolls out of the pocket every person watching the game holds their breathe for just a second, wondering if this is gonna be one of those plays you'll be telling your kid's kids about. This is why I want to be okay with Vick being in the NFL. I want to watch every game he plays in this season, I want to see him do something that's never been done before.
Cue the ticking clock...
The 60 Minutes interview is conducted by CBS's NFL Today host James Brown. It starts with Vick talking about a moment of clarity when the cell door slam behind him... about what monumental mistakes he made. I'm unconvinced. What person wouldn't feel that? I need more.
J.B. hits him with some direct questions. Questions about drowning and electrocuting dogs. Vick says he feels disgusted by his actions. Says he should have stop the dog fighting ring when he had the chance, should have not been doing things he knew was illegal, should have been man enough to stand up to those around him. I'm still unconvinced. That's the only thing he could say.
Vick goes on to say he deserved to lose his 130 million dollar contract. Says someone doing the things he was doing deserved to lose it all. He seems sincere. He continues to speak about how he was first around dog fighting when he was an 8-year old kid in Virginia, how cops would stop by and not break up the fights. All the older kids he looked up to were into it so he was into it too. Doesn't really seem like he's using it as a cop-out, seems like that's really just how he got into it. Fair enough. I don't buy the social class thing with dog fighting. It's messed up and cruel and people know right from wrong. That being said, upbringing is used to justify cruel behavior in a number of other ways in our society, so if that's how he got into it then that's how he got into it.
Brown asks him about lying. Lying to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Falcons owner Arthur Blank, and the rest of us. Vick says he knew he was guilty. He knew he was caught. He was trying to "salvage everything" and now knows he should have told the truth two years ago.
He's now speaking with kids in neighborhoods like the one he grew up in, telling them his story and along with the Humane Society trying to get the message out there that he himself never heard growing up. I'm sure it's court ordered, but it's a good thing none the less.
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for people to look at the life they were living and how wrong it was. I've known a few people myself who have hit rock bottom. Some of those people have changed and are now living good lives. Some of those people have found a way to sink deeper. Better believe I wish they all had found a way to recover, because it was not just their loss, it was mine as well. I think two years in the joint caused Mike Vick to bottom out. I also think no good can come out of further punishing this man. If we shun him and get him out of the public eye it's not gonna help anyone, and no dogs will be saved in the process. Let him stay in the spotlight, live with what he did. Let others learn from his mistakes.
I think I'm okay with him getting a second chance.
My curiosity comes from a very strange and rather selfish place... I want to forgive Michael Vick. I want to believe prison has changed him into a man that I don't necessarily want to route for (although that would be a different story if his green number 7 jersey was being warn in New York and not Philly) but a player I can watch with intrigue and without guilt. As the whole country, football fans and non football fans, choose sides I sit on the fence.
Why you ask?
December 1, 2002. I'm doing the Direct Ticket shuffle as the afternoon games are coming to an end looking for just a few more minutes of football. As I flip pass the Falcons/Vikings game I am pleased to see the fourth quarter ending and the score tied. I steal another beer from my Dad's fridge and settle in for another fifteen minutes of NFL. Or so I thought. Less then three minutes into overtime the Falcons have the ball just across mid-field. Mike Vick takes the snap and as the pocket collapses he rolls out to the left. He takes off down the middle of the field. He doesn't tuck the ball until he crosses the twenty-five, just as two Vikings close in on him. Vick cuts between the two defenders and even though you would not think it possible, speeds up. The two Minnesota players crash into each other like it was a scene out of a bad movie. Vick out ran at least eight players who had a shot at him to end the game on a 46 yard touchdown. It was the greatest play I've ever seen.
Michael Vick is my favorite football player to watch that has never worn a Jets jersey. Every time the man rolls out of the pocket every person watching the game holds their breathe for just a second, wondering if this is gonna be one of those plays you'll be telling your kid's kids about. This is why I want to be okay with Vick being in the NFL. I want to watch every game he plays in this season, I want to see him do something that's never been done before.
Cue the ticking clock...
The 60 Minutes interview is conducted by CBS's NFL Today host James Brown. It starts with Vick talking about a moment of clarity when the cell door slam behind him... about what monumental mistakes he made. I'm unconvinced. What person wouldn't feel that? I need more.
J.B. hits him with some direct questions. Questions about drowning and electrocuting dogs. Vick says he feels disgusted by his actions. Says he should have stop the dog fighting ring when he had the chance, should have not been doing things he knew was illegal, should have been man enough to stand up to those around him. I'm still unconvinced. That's the only thing he could say.
Vick goes on to say he deserved to lose his 130 million dollar contract. Says someone doing the things he was doing deserved to lose it all. He seems sincere. He continues to speak about how he was first around dog fighting when he was an 8-year old kid in Virginia, how cops would stop by and not break up the fights. All the older kids he looked up to were into it so he was into it too. Doesn't really seem like he's using it as a cop-out, seems like that's really just how he got into it. Fair enough. I don't buy the social class thing with dog fighting. It's messed up and cruel and people know right from wrong. That being said, upbringing is used to justify cruel behavior in a number of other ways in our society, so if that's how he got into it then that's how he got into it.
Brown asks him about lying. Lying to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Falcons owner Arthur Blank, and the rest of us. Vick says he knew he was guilty. He knew he was caught. He was trying to "salvage everything" and now knows he should have told the truth two years ago.
He's now speaking with kids in neighborhoods like the one he grew up in, telling them his story and along with the Humane Society trying to get the message out there that he himself never heard growing up. I'm sure it's court ordered, but it's a good thing none the less.
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for people to look at the life they were living and how wrong it was. I've known a few people myself who have hit rock bottom. Some of those people have changed and are now living good lives. Some of those people have found a way to sink deeper. Better believe I wish they all had found a way to recover, because it was not just their loss, it was mine as well. I think two years in the joint caused Mike Vick to bottom out. I also think no good can come out of further punishing this man. If we shun him and get him out of the public eye it's not gonna help anyone, and no dogs will be saved in the process. Let him stay in the spotlight, live with what he did. Let others learn from his mistakes.
I think I'm okay with him getting a second chance.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Michael Vick vs. The Self-Righteous. Round 1. Fight!
Even those of you who don't follow sports know who Michael Vick is. Just three years ago, however, you probably didn't. He was the flashy quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, with the jaw-dropping speed and the heaviest wallet in the NFL. However, less than eighteen months removed from becoming the 120-million-dollar man, allegations began to surface that local authorities were investigating him in relation to some illegal dogfighting activity in the Virginia area where he'd grown up. Over the two or three months that followed it came to light that Vick was basically the kingpin and financier of an inter-state dogfighting ring that spanned the south-Atlantic region of our country. The details were shocking. Stacks of money being wagered, and under performing dogs suffered punishments that included electrocution, drowning, and hanging. Through an expedited legal process Vick pled guilty in a federal court to a dog-fighting charge, narrowly avoiding a perjury conviction as well, and was sentenced to nineteen months in federal prison.
Released last spring to finish his sentence under house arrest, talk immediately sprung up of Vick's employment options this NFL season. The largest hurdle would be the potential suspension levied by league commissioner Roger Goodell. That sentence was handed down two weeks ago, when Goodell put Vick on a probationary suspension that would allow him to sign with a team and practice, but not play in a regular season game pending further judgement two months from now.
Many teams immediately released statements of disinterest in the ex-QB, while some teams left it open through non-denials of interest. Rumors swirled, and yesterday it was revealed that Michael Vick had reached a one year agreement with the Philadelphia Eagles.
This is a hot-button topic that is going to bring forward a lot of opinions, and most of them are going to be perfectly valid.
Most NFL players seem to feel sorry for Vick, and seem to be happy that he's back in the league. I can understand that. Three years ago he was on top of the world, and due to his own decisions, he has had everything taken from him. Houses. Cars. He has been reduced to just another guy who needs a job. If he can land one that pays a million bucks, more power to him.
Most of the Philadelphia fans, and many other NFL fans, are outraged, and want him banned from the league. I can understand that too. He did some terrible things, and it wasn't like it was a lapse in judgement. He did terrible things for a long period of time and only stopped when he got caught. However, I think it's easy to be a Vick hater right now. Right now he has no value, so why side with him? I don't think you'll be hearing too many boos when he's scoring touchdowns for the Eagles in December. People like to do what's popular, and right now pretending to be better than Mike Vick is popular.
The Eagles are taking a huge PR risk. But, they're the Philadelphia Eagles, and their fan base will not desert them. Will Vick make a difference? Yeah, he most definitely will. The Eagles went all the way to the conference championship last year, and have most of their key players back along with some new talent. The Eagles were going to the playoffs this year anyway, so what they needed was someone who could make a difference at the highest level. Vick can do that. Give him five or six chances to make plays in the game, he'll make one or two. That's all he needs to do to make the Eagles the class of the league this year.
My thoughts? I don't care. If he gets on the field this year, I'll watch. If he hangs himself in his shower tonight, that's fine too. None of this makes any difference in my life. It doesn't make any difference in anyone else's life either. People are hating on him right now because everybody likes to feel superior. The guy is an idiot. Do I think he's sorry? No. I really don't. Today in his presser he called dogfighting "pointless" and said he regretted putting his career at risk. If he was sorry, he should know that dogfighting isn't pointless, it's disgusting. The point is to gain money and entertainment from the suffering of innocent animals. He should feel ashamed for what he did to those dogs, not for putting his NFL contract at risk. That doesn't matter though. He paid his debt, so as long as he isn't fighting dogs now, he can make a living however he'd like.
I guess in summary my point is this: If you want to jump on the anti-Vick bandwagon, please come up with a better argument than "What if it was your dog?," and if this is the position you're taking, please don't let me catch you talking Eagles or NFL this year. If you want to take a stance, take a stance. Boycott. Don't just rip the guy for the sake of being able to feel like you're better than him.
Released last spring to finish his sentence under house arrest, talk immediately sprung up of Vick's employment options this NFL season. The largest hurdle would be the potential suspension levied by league commissioner Roger Goodell. That sentence was handed down two weeks ago, when Goodell put Vick on a probationary suspension that would allow him to sign with a team and practice, but not play in a regular season game pending further judgement two months from now.
Many teams immediately released statements of disinterest in the ex-QB, while some teams left it open through non-denials of interest. Rumors swirled, and yesterday it was revealed that Michael Vick had reached a one year agreement with the Philadelphia Eagles.
This is a hot-button topic that is going to bring forward a lot of opinions, and most of them are going to be perfectly valid.
Most NFL players seem to feel sorry for Vick, and seem to be happy that he's back in the league. I can understand that. Three years ago he was on top of the world, and due to his own decisions, he has had everything taken from him. Houses. Cars. He has been reduced to just another guy who needs a job. If he can land one that pays a million bucks, more power to him.
Most of the Philadelphia fans, and many other NFL fans, are outraged, and want him banned from the league. I can understand that too. He did some terrible things, and it wasn't like it was a lapse in judgement. He did terrible things for a long period of time and only stopped when he got caught. However, I think it's easy to be a Vick hater right now. Right now he has no value, so why side with him? I don't think you'll be hearing too many boos when he's scoring touchdowns for the Eagles in December. People like to do what's popular, and right now pretending to be better than Mike Vick is popular.
The Eagles are taking a huge PR risk. But, they're the Philadelphia Eagles, and their fan base will not desert them. Will Vick make a difference? Yeah, he most definitely will. The Eagles went all the way to the conference championship last year, and have most of their key players back along with some new talent. The Eagles were going to the playoffs this year anyway, so what they needed was someone who could make a difference at the highest level. Vick can do that. Give him five or six chances to make plays in the game, he'll make one or two. That's all he needs to do to make the Eagles the class of the league this year.
My thoughts? I don't care. If he gets on the field this year, I'll watch. If he hangs himself in his shower tonight, that's fine too. None of this makes any difference in my life. It doesn't make any difference in anyone else's life either. People are hating on him right now because everybody likes to feel superior. The guy is an idiot. Do I think he's sorry? No. I really don't. Today in his presser he called dogfighting "pointless" and said he regretted putting his career at risk. If he was sorry, he should know that dogfighting isn't pointless, it's disgusting. The point is to gain money and entertainment from the suffering of innocent animals. He should feel ashamed for what he did to those dogs, not for putting his NFL contract at risk. That doesn't matter though. He paid his debt, so as long as he isn't fighting dogs now, he can make a living however he'd like.
I guess in summary my point is this: If you want to jump on the anti-Vick bandwagon, please come up with a better argument than "What if it was your dog?," and if this is the position you're taking, please don't let me catch you talking Eagles or NFL this year. If you want to take a stance, take a stance. Boycott. Don't just rip the guy for the sake of being able to feel like you're better than him.
Review: GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
It only took me a week. Did my best to avoid any spoilers. Enjoy:
I'll be honest, it was rough right from the beginning. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra enters into the action with a US Army caravan that is transporting some high tech weaponry under the cover of night, and is armed to the teeth, fully expecting that someone will be trying to stop them. In the lead vehicle, Duke (Channing Tatum) and Rip Cord (Marlon Wayans) converse in what I'm sure was supposed to be witty banter. Wayans is a comedian and a pretty good actor, so he of course holds his own. The problem with the scene is that Channing Tatum can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. He sits statue still, stares at Wayans, and races through lines like a nervous five-year-old in a kindergarten play, all the while trying to hold down his wangster accent like he was taught to speak by Vanilla Ice himself. It's brutal to sit through. It wouldn't be as bad if it weren't right at the beginning of the movie. By the end of the flick I had accepted Tatum as Duke, and found that he didn't bother me nearly as much. It was, however, a tough way to begin a movie that I was hoping for a lot from.
I was very pleased to discover, though, that this scene was the low point of the movie.
All of the other actors were servicable, which is really all you can ask from an action flick. Channing Tatum is very good in the action scenes, and a pretty handsome fella to boot (plus, in the movie he has a scar on his right cheek bone just like mine, so guess what I'm being for Halloween?), so as long as he's not talking it's not so bad. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Christopher Eccleston are definitely the best actors in the film and make great villains.
If you really get into the ins and outs of the plot there are a few holes, but ultimately it's vintage GI Joe. Director Stephen Sommers does a phenomenal job of giving the audience just enough backstory to make the primary narrative a little more meaningful, but avoids going over the top. The trend in today's action movies is to make them two-and-a-half hours long by adding way too much sappy backstory that no one really cares about. This flick clocks in at just under two hours, and flies by in what seems like half of that.
It's important to note going in, that in order to enjoy this you're going to have to suspend some of your disbelief. The story and action are a little over the top. A lot of the CGI is sort of stylistically cartoony to emphasize the alternate reality of it all. If you watch as the disillusioned adult that we all are, you most likely are not going to have that much fun. But, if you can remember why you liked GI Joe in the first place (Cool vehicles, huge underground bases, jet packs, karate), then you can't NOT have a good time watching this movie.
I give it a 3 out of 4, and really hope they make a sequel.
I'll be honest, it was rough right from the beginning. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra enters into the action with a US Army caravan that is transporting some high tech weaponry under the cover of night, and is armed to the teeth, fully expecting that someone will be trying to stop them. In the lead vehicle, Duke (Channing Tatum) and Rip Cord (Marlon Wayans) converse in what I'm sure was supposed to be witty banter. Wayans is a comedian and a pretty good actor, so he of course holds his own. The problem with the scene is that Channing Tatum can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. He sits statue still, stares at Wayans, and races through lines like a nervous five-year-old in a kindergarten play, all the while trying to hold down his wangster accent like he was taught to speak by Vanilla Ice himself. It's brutal to sit through. It wouldn't be as bad if it weren't right at the beginning of the movie. By the end of the flick I had accepted Tatum as Duke, and found that he didn't bother me nearly as much. It was, however, a tough way to begin a movie that I was hoping for a lot from.
I was very pleased to discover, though, that this scene was the low point of the movie.
All of the other actors were servicable, which is really all you can ask from an action flick. Channing Tatum is very good in the action scenes, and a pretty handsome fella to boot (plus, in the movie he has a scar on his right cheek bone just like mine, so guess what I'm being for Halloween?), so as long as he's not talking it's not so bad. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Christopher Eccleston are definitely the best actors in the film and make great villains.
If you really get into the ins and outs of the plot there are a few holes, but ultimately it's vintage GI Joe. Director Stephen Sommers does a phenomenal job of giving the audience just enough backstory to make the primary narrative a little more meaningful, but avoids going over the top. The trend in today's action movies is to make them two-and-a-half hours long by adding way too much sappy backstory that no one really cares about. This flick clocks in at just under two hours, and flies by in what seems like half of that.
It's important to note going in, that in order to enjoy this you're going to have to suspend some of your disbelief. The story and action are a little over the top. A lot of the CGI is sort of stylistically cartoony to emphasize the alternate reality of it all. If you watch as the disillusioned adult that we all are, you most likely are not going to have that much fun. But, if you can remember why you liked GI Joe in the first place (Cool vehicles, huge underground bases, jet packs, karate), then you can't NOT have a good time watching this movie.
I give it a 3 out of 4, and really hope they make a sequel.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Living up to the hype...
I'm an optimist. I go into ninety-five percent of situations expecting the best possible outcome. I walked into Wolverine and Transformers 2 expecting them to be The Godfather, I think the New York Jets are going to win the Super Bowl every year and I believe with all my heart that Clint Dempsey will lead the US National Team to a World Cup final next summer. That being said I thought UFC 100 was way over-hyped and could never live up to the grandeur. I had been hearing for a year and a half what a great card UFC President Dana White was gonna put together for the centennial and after let downs in UFC 97 and 99 even I had started to have my doubts. I don't drink the Georges St. Pierre-flavored Gatorade and didn't devote my life to the USA vs. UK Ultimate Fighter so I didn't have the vested interest in Dan Henderson vs. Micheal Bisping that some hardcores did. I knew Lesnar vs. Mir would be a show, but couldn't help but feel I was gonna devote three hours of my life to watch six good minutes of fights. Let's just say I was pleasantly surprised. Despite GSP doing everything to ruin it, UFC 100 lived up to the hype.
On the heels of the biggest Mixed Martial Arts event of all time comes UFC 101: Declaration. 101 has some big shoes to fill, but The Optimist has returned and I have faith in this card.
Amir Sadollah is taking on baby eater Johny Hendricks in his first fight since winning The Ultimate Fighter 7. Sadollah hasn't fought since the UF7 finale in June of last year. He's had his last two fights canceled due to injuries so it'll be interesting to see how he does with such a long lay off. Sadollah is a character and will be extremely marketable for the UFC if he can string together a few victories. He was the underdog in just about everyone of his fights on The Ultimate Fighter and in every fight some how came out on top. Amir is one of those guys who seems to always be bleeding and getting rocked yet pulls out a submission to end the fight. And he's Nick Cannon funny in interviews. Hendricks was Undefeated in the WEC so this should be a good fight.
In the main event BJ Penn is defending his Lightweight belt against Kenny Florian. Florian has been on a tear to become the number one contender. He hasn't lost a fight since 2006 and is a big fan of the rear naked choke, which is something I can get behind. That being said, BJ is a freak of nature, and hasn't lost at 155 lbs. since 2002. His last fight was a 170 lbs. match against St. Pierre in which Penn appeared to not have a chance. It was also the famous GSP Vaseline fight. I think Penn should take care of business at 155 against KenFlo, but it has the chance to be an epic fight.
Ok now, this next one is the one I think we should all be looking forward to. Boring ass Anderson "The Spider" Silva goes from 185 to 205 to fight UFC poster boy Forrest Griffin. Silva is 1-0 at 205 and favored against the former Lightweight Champion. Griffin lost the title in his last fight to Rashaad Evans when Evans speed and power was too much for Griffin. Silva's last fight against Thales Leites was arguably the worst fight in the history of the UFC. The outmatched Leites literally laid on the ground for the final two rounds as fans booed and a bored Silva danced around refusing to finish Leites off. A pissed off Dana White decided that Silva had to be put to the test, and while the Silva vs. GSP fight didn't come to be Griffin should be able to hold his own against Silva. Griffin never really shocks me... loses when he should win, wins when he should lose, but he usually shows up. Silva hasn't really lost a fight since 2004 (he was DQ'd in 2006), and is currently on a record nine match winning streak in the the UFC. Who among you doesn't like to see the mighty fall? The Optimist is drinking the Forrest-flavored Gatorade, and you should too. Lets just hope The Spider remembers how to tap...
I'll leave you with a video of the last time Anderson Silva did tap. December 31, 2004 against Ryo Chonan. Chonan is getting his ass kicked and then ends the fight with the greatest move I've ever seen. Enjoy.
On the heels of the biggest Mixed Martial Arts event of all time comes UFC 101: Declaration. 101 has some big shoes to fill, but The Optimist has returned and I have faith in this card.
Amir Sadollah is taking on baby eater Johny Hendricks in his first fight since winning The Ultimate Fighter 7. Sadollah hasn't fought since the UF7 finale in June of last year. He's had his last two fights canceled due to injuries so it'll be interesting to see how he does with such a long lay off. Sadollah is a character and will be extremely marketable for the UFC if he can string together a few victories. He was the underdog in just about everyone of his fights on The Ultimate Fighter and in every fight some how came out on top. Amir is one of those guys who seems to always be bleeding and getting rocked yet pulls out a submission to end the fight. And he's Nick Cannon funny in interviews. Hendricks was Undefeated in the WEC so this should be a good fight.
In the main event BJ Penn is defending his Lightweight belt against Kenny Florian. Florian has been on a tear to become the number one contender. He hasn't lost a fight since 2006 and is a big fan of the rear naked choke, which is something I can get behind. That being said, BJ is a freak of nature, and hasn't lost at 155 lbs. since 2002. His last fight was a 170 lbs. match against St. Pierre in which Penn appeared to not have a chance. It was also the famous GSP Vaseline fight. I think Penn should take care of business at 155 against KenFlo, but it has the chance to be an epic fight.
Ok now, this next one is the one I think we should all be looking forward to. Boring ass Anderson "The Spider" Silva goes from 185 to 205 to fight UFC poster boy Forrest Griffin. Silva is 1-0 at 205 and favored against the former Lightweight Champion. Griffin lost the title in his last fight to Rashaad Evans when Evans speed and power was too much for Griffin. Silva's last fight against Thales Leites was arguably the worst fight in the history of the UFC. The outmatched Leites literally laid on the ground for the final two rounds as fans booed and a bored Silva danced around refusing to finish Leites off. A pissed off Dana White decided that Silva had to be put to the test, and while the Silva vs. GSP fight didn't come to be Griffin should be able to hold his own against Silva. Griffin never really shocks me... loses when he should win, wins when he should lose, but he usually shows up. Silva hasn't really lost a fight since 2004 (he was DQ'd in 2006), and is currently on a record nine match winning streak in the the UFC. Who among you doesn't like to see the mighty fall? The Optimist is drinking the Forrest-flavored Gatorade, and you should too. Lets just hope The Spider remembers how to tap...
I'll leave you with a video of the last time Anderson Silva did tap. December 31, 2004 against Ryo Chonan. Chonan is getting his ass kicked and then ends the fight with the greatest move I've ever seen. Enjoy.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Bud Selig can lick it.
As we drift through the doldrums of mid-summer, with NFL training camps just getting underway, the American sporting public practices its annual ritual of romanticizing the long-gone golden ages of baseball in hopes that some of that magic will rub off on the modern game. Baseball was once America's pastime. The crack of the bat and the smell of hot dogs bound generations and marked the coming and going of each innocent summer.
Baseball has stagnated. A couple of decades of poor decision-making by players, unions, and owners, combined with a few factors beyond its control, have turned the once proud ocean liner of Major League Baseball into a sinking ship.
This is not going to be a rant about the many players who have tainted the historic records of the game by using steroids, nor is it necessary to discuss how the advent of satellite television has made baseball a third-tier option to the much more visual sports of football and basketball. These are obvious problems, and have been discusssed at nauseum.
I want to talk about the problem of parity. The absence of a salary cap, and in effect the absence of a level playing field. While teams from the major markets like New York, Boston, LA, and Chicago freely spend every off-season to keep their teams consistently at the top of the stangdings, other teams that don't have the same revenue streams are forced to sell off all of their young talent in order to just stay afloat. The Pittsburgh Pirates, for example, have not had a winning season since the early nineties. Not for lack of talent, just lack of funds to hang onto their talent. You may recognize names like Jason Kendall, Aramis Ramirez, Jason Bay, and Barry Bonds amongst others. All great young Pirates at one point. The problem is that once these players near the end of their contracts, Pittsburgh knows that they do not have the money to resign them, so they trade them for younger, cheaper, less talented players. It is a never-ending cycle. Without revenue sharing, the Pirates and other small market teams will never be competitive. Since the larger market teams have no incentive to agree to a revenue-sharing proposal, there will never be any progress made in that area.
So, an alternate solution. Take a cue from the european soccer leagues. These leagues have no salary cap, and have teams from both huge cities and small towns, just like MLB. Most of these leagues are structured not in equal but separate divisions, as American leagues are, but they are divided into tiers, based on the teams performance in the previous season. The top fifteen or so teams are in the first division, the next fifteen in the second division, and so on. Each team plays their regular season against teams in their division, and at the end of the year there is relegation and promotion. The bottom three teams from D1 go down to D2, and are replaced in D1 by the top three teams from D2, and on and on.
This system keeps the playing field level, and gives everyone something to cheer for. Pirates fans, for example, could cheer for a very reachable D2 championship. When they get promoted, they can cheer for avoiding relegation, rather than just sitting as bottom-dwellers with no real progress being made one way or another. Europe figured this system out about a hundred years ago, and baseball would do well to recognize one of its greatest faults before it is too late. Because like it or not, purists, soccer is coming. Not tomorrow. Not next year. But soon people will spend their summer dollars on soccer matches rather than baseball games, but by then the damage will have been done.
Baseball has stagnated. A couple of decades of poor decision-making by players, unions, and owners, combined with a few factors beyond its control, have turned the once proud ocean liner of Major League Baseball into a sinking ship.
This is not going to be a rant about the many players who have tainted the historic records of the game by using steroids, nor is it necessary to discuss how the advent of satellite television has made baseball a third-tier option to the much more visual sports of football and basketball. These are obvious problems, and have been discusssed at nauseum.
I want to talk about the problem of parity. The absence of a salary cap, and in effect the absence of a level playing field. While teams from the major markets like New York, Boston, LA, and Chicago freely spend every off-season to keep their teams consistently at the top of the stangdings, other teams that don't have the same revenue streams are forced to sell off all of their young talent in order to just stay afloat. The Pittsburgh Pirates, for example, have not had a winning season since the early nineties. Not for lack of talent, just lack of funds to hang onto their talent. You may recognize names like Jason Kendall, Aramis Ramirez, Jason Bay, and Barry Bonds amongst others. All great young Pirates at one point. The problem is that once these players near the end of their contracts, Pittsburgh knows that they do not have the money to resign them, so they trade them for younger, cheaper, less talented players. It is a never-ending cycle. Without revenue sharing, the Pirates and other small market teams will never be competitive. Since the larger market teams have no incentive to agree to a revenue-sharing proposal, there will never be any progress made in that area.
So, an alternate solution. Take a cue from the european soccer leagues. These leagues have no salary cap, and have teams from both huge cities and small towns, just like MLB. Most of these leagues are structured not in equal but separate divisions, as American leagues are, but they are divided into tiers, based on the teams performance in the previous season. The top fifteen or so teams are in the first division, the next fifteen in the second division, and so on. Each team plays their regular season against teams in their division, and at the end of the year there is relegation and promotion. The bottom three teams from D1 go down to D2, and are replaced in D1 by the top three teams from D2, and on and on.
This system keeps the playing field level, and gives everyone something to cheer for. Pirates fans, for example, could cheer for a very reachable D2 championship. When they get promoted, they can cheer for avoiding relegation, rather than just sitting as bottom-dwellers with no real progress being made one way or another. Europe figured this system out about a hundred years ago, and baseball would do well to recognize one of its greatest faults before it is too late. Because like it or not, purists, soccer is coming. Not tomorrow. Not next year. But soon people will spend their summer dollars on soccer matches rather than baseball games, but by then the damage will have been done.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Real American Hero... Kind of...
I was big into action figures when I was little. I had plenty of He-Man, some Marvel and DC Comics characters, a few Transformers, and even a couple of WWF Wrestling Superstars.
However, the population of GI Joes on my toy shelves dwarfed the combined number of all other toys that I owned. I had every character from my favorite cartoon, and even a few that I'm pretty sure the toy company just invented. I had a plane, a tank, a hovercraft, and a motorcycle with a sidecar. I loved GI Joe. I vividly remember being a kindergartener and arriving home from school to wait for the GI Joe cartoon to come on each week day. One day I flipped on the TV (our TV at the time actually had an on/off knob) only to discover that my favorite show was ending, rather than beginning. My mom tried to explain to me that they must've switched the time slot, and I bawled uncontrollably for the rest of the day. Every afternoon for the rest of the year I sprinted home from school to make sure I was there in time to adjust the rabbit ears and watch GI Joe battle COBRA.
Somewhere around the time I turned ten I transitioned from toys and cartoons to Nerf Turbo Footballs and collecting sports cards, and turned my back on the heroes of my early childhood. Some guys still sort of silently follow along with the progression of their childhood franchises, and keep up to date in the darkness of their bedrooms, but that wasn't me. I turned away. While GI Joe and others always have held a special bit of nostalgia for me, I honestly would struggle with a GI Joe trivia quiz at this point, and probably couldn't name more than 8-10 characters.
So, when I heard there were talks of making a new GI Joe movie, I was excited, but not ecstatic. I definitely didn't expect to experience the feeling that I did when the first still photos of the costumes were released. I was outraged. Rubber and spandex. All black. This wasn't GI Joe. This movie was going to be awful.
Then there was the Superbowl commercial. It was awesome. Despite a couple of very glaring CGI issues, it was badass. Is it GI Joe? I'm not sure. But there were guns and ninjas and Snakeeyes and Stormshadow. It may not be GI Joe, but it looked pretty badass.
In the several months since then they've released several less than compelling trailers, and my enthusiasm faded. However, in the last couple weeks the film has gotten some decent praise from reputable sources, and my spirits have been rekindled slightly.
It has been a week summer for movies so far, we really need this one to come through. I think that I am going to anticipate the worst in hopes of being impressed. The only thing I know is that I will be seeing the film this weekend...
...And knowing is half the battle.
However, the population of GI Joes on my toy shelves dwarfed the combined number of all other toys that I owned. I had every character from my favorite cartoon, and even a few that I'm pretty sure the toy company just invented. I had a plane, a tank, a hovercraft, and a motorcycle with a sidecar. I loved GI Joe. I vividly remember being a kindergartener and arriving home from school to wait for the GI Joe cartoon to come on each week day. One day I flipped on the TV (our TV at the time actually had an on/off knob) only to discover that my favorite show was ending, rather than beginning. My mom tried to explain to me that they must've switched the time slot, and I bawled uncontrollably for the rest of the day. Every afternoon for the rest of the year I sprinted home from school to make sure I was there in time to adjust the rabbit ears and watch GI Joe battle COBRA.
Somewhere around the time I turned ten I transitioned from toys and cartoons to Nerf Turbo Footballs and collecting sports cards, and turned my back on the heroes of my early childhood. Some guys still sort of silently follow along with the progression of their childhood franchises, and keep up to date in the darkness of their bedrooms, but that wasn't me. I turned away. While GI Joe and others always have held a special bit of nostalgia for me, I honestly would struggle with a GI Joe trivia quiz at this point, and probably couldn't name more than 8-10 characters.
So, when I heard there were talks of making a new GI Joe movie, I was excited, but not ecstatic. I definitely didn't expect to experience the feeling that I did when the first still photos of the costumes were released. I was outraged. Rubber and spandex. All black. This wasn't GI Joe. This movie was going to be awful.
Then there was the Superbowl commercial. It was awesome. Despite a couple of very glaring CGI issues, it was badass. Is it GI Joe? I'm not sure. But there were guns and ninjas and Snakeeyes and Stormshadow. It may not be GI Joe, but it looked pretty badass.
In the several months since then they've released several less than compelling trailers, and my enthusiasm faded. However, in the last couple weeks the film has gotten some decent praise from reputable sources, and my spirits have been rekindled slightly.
It has been a week summer for movies so far, we really need this one to come through. I think that I am going to anticipate the worst in hopes of being impressed. The only thing I know is that I will be seeing the film this weekend...
...And knowing is half the battle.
Friday, July 17, 2009
He seems like a decent bloke... for a bloody journo...
So I've been banging my head against the wall for the last week or so wondering how I wanted to pop my Merely Adequate cherry... I knew it was gonna have something to do with sports, mostly cause that's what has been getting on my nerves lately, and I kept thinking it was gonna have something to do with my annoyance with Major League Baseball and more so the way the media has covered MLB as of late. And then it hit me...
I should first state that while I do consider myself a sports fan, I'm not one of those guys who spend hours a day running twenty different fantasy teams or watching Sportscenter on a loop all day long. During the NFL season I devote my Sundays to my Direct TV, but who doesn't? I love March Madness, but unless the Knicks are in the playoffs I have a hard time getting into the NBA. And I'm gay for USA soccer and the UFC. So that being said, I'm a casual sports fan. I'm 18 to 35 years old. I like beer and I'm willing to spend my money on it. I'm what ESPN, the NFL, the MLB, and everyone else is shooting for. Now that you know where I'm coming from...
I've been losing interest in baseball lately because it's all so negative. You can't throw on any kinda show that deals with baseball without being bombarded with steroids bullshit. A-rod this, Manny that, whose clean, whose dirty. Who gives a crap? Stop ruining a sport that I loved as a child with your TMZ style coverage. That's the rant that I didn't wanna do for my first Merely Adequate blog. It didn't have any kinda direction... it was gonna come off as me being angry and dramatic (which I am, but I don't need it documented)...
And then it hit me...
I was watching Around The Horn and they were discussing UFC 100 and Brock Lesnar. Two of the panelists were very dismissive with the UFC, and it became apparent very quickly that it would take Jesus Christ himself coming down for UFC 101 and taking the belt to get a lot of sports journo's to acknowledge how big this sport was becoming. So I sat there chin on fist, elbow on desk, and pondered... Why is this sport so big with people under the age of 30 and yet the 40 plus crowd sprints away like Usain Bolt?
Click.
I have an XBOX. And an iPod. And internet access. A subscription to Netflix. A girlfriend. An unhealthy addiction to beer and cigarettes. A job... and yet I don't even think I have a lot going on. I can devote 16 to 20 Sundays a year to the NFL. I can watch March Madness once a year. Every month I'm willing to go watch men in underpants three sizes too small for them (GSP I'm talking about you) beat the shit out of each other. That's what these sports are built on. Events. Most people don't have time to watch 162 baseball games a year... not when Captain Phil is blowing their minds on a weekly basis...
So I guess that's my problem... I don't give a flying monkey tit if the French think Lance Armstrong is juicing... to be honest I care very little about Lance Armstrong and even less about the French cycling community... Zero reason it needs to be brought up every other day on ESPN for ten years now... mention it when it matters, move on... Stop creating content that belongs on daytime TV and then wonder why people freak out about the USA making the Confederation Cup Final or why the UFC is becoming as powerful as Rodimus Prime... Baseball is great, if it's triple plays, perfect games, and rally caps, but not if it's Days of our Lives. Sporting events that happen everyday aren't meant to be epic. People trying to make an extra buck by forcing sports to be something they're not does nothing but sully the happiness they are supposed to bring us. There's a reason why the Super Bowl and the World Cup are so huge. They're events, not just another game. You can't make a Dodgers/Mets game in July that important, no matter how hard you try. So let us have our sports the way we want them, innocent and fun... stop mucking it up by spending hours upon hours telling us why we should hate these people. We know why we should hate them... It's your job to show us why we should love them...
And there I go being all angry and dramatic...
I'll leave you with a quote I find fitting, from one of the greatest minds of our time, Brody Bruce...
"Breakfast come and go Renee... Now Hartford? The Whale? Hey they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime."
I should first state that while I do consider myself a sports fan, I'm not one of those guys who spend hours a day running twenty different fantasy teams or watching Sportscenter on a loop all day long. During the NFL season I devote my Sundays to my Direct TV, but who doesn't? I love March Madness, but unless the Knicks are in the playoffs I have a hard time getting into the NBA. And I'm gay for USA soccer and the UFC. So that being said, I'm a casual sports fan. I'm 18 to 35 years old. I like beer and I'm willing to spend my money on it. I'm what ESPN, the NFL, the MLB, and everyone else is shooting for. Now that you know where I'm coming from...
I've been losing interest in baseball lately because it's all so negative. You can't throw on any kinda show that deals with baseball without being bombarded with steroids bullshit. A-rod this, Manny that, whose clean, whose dirty. Who gives a crap? Stop ruining a sport that I loved as a child with your TMZ style coverage. That's the rant that I didn't wanna do for my first Merely Adequate blog. It didn't have any kinda direction... it was gonna come off as me being angry and dramatic (which I am, but I don't need it documented)...
And then it hit me...
I was watching Around The Horn and they were discussing UFC 100 and Brock Lesnar. Two of the panelists were very dismissive with the UFC, and it became apparent very quickly that it would take Jesus Christ himself coming down for UFC 101 and taking the belt to get a lot of sports journo's to acknowledge how big this sport was becoming. So I sat there chin on fist, elbow on desk, and pondered... Why is this sport so big with people under the age of 30 and yet the 40 plus crowd sprints away like Usain Bolt?
Click.
I have an XBOX. And an iPod. And internet access. A subscription to Netflix. A girlfriend. An unhealthy addiction to beer and cigarettes. A job... and yet I don't even think I have a lot going on. I can devote 16 to 20 Sundays a year to the NFL. I can watch March Madness once a year. Every month I'm willing to go watch men in underpants three sizes too small for them (GSP I'm talking about you) beat the shit out of each other. That's what these sports are built on. Events. Most people don't have time to watch 162 baseball games a year... not when Captain Phil is blowing their minds on a weekly basis...
So I guess that's my problem... I don't give a flying monkey tit if the French think Lance Armstrong is juicing... to be honest I care very little about Lance Armstrong and even less about the French cycling community... Zero reason it needs to be brought up every other day on ESPN for ten years now... mention it when it matters, move on... Stop creating content that belongs on daytime TV and then wonder why people freak out about the USA making the Confederation Cup Final or why the UFC is becoming as powerful as Rodimus Prime... Baseball is great, if it's triple plays, perfect games, and rally caps, but not if it's Days of our Lives. Sporting events that happen everyday aren't meant to be epic. People trying to make an extra buck by forcing sports to be something they're not does nothing but sully the happiness they are supposed to bring us. There's a reason why the Super Bowl and the World Cup are so huge. They're events, not just another game. You can't make a Dodgers/Mets game in July that important, no matter how hard you try. So let us have our sports the way we want them, innocent and fun... stop mucking it up by spending hours upon hours telling us why we should hate these people. We know why we should hate them... It's your job to show us why we should love them...
And there I go being all angry and dramatic...
I'll leave you with a quote I find fitting, from one of the greatest minds of our time, Brody Bruce...
"Breakfast come and go Renee... Now Hartford? The Whale? Hey they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime."
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Black Wednesday
It's about fathers and sons, I suppose. Brothers. Friends. The competition of sport is the closest that most men (myself included) will ever get to the battle field. Deep bonds are formed. Bitter rivalries grow. Sports have a funny way of bringing out the rawest of emotions. Sports are one of the few things that I'm passionate about. Movies are another. Show me a good sports movie and I will be on my feet cheering in the middle of a crowded theatre.
There are two days each year when there are never any scheduled games in any of the four major US leagues. The day prior to the Major League Baseball all-star game, and today. The day after the MLB all-star game, also known to sports fans as Black Wednesday.
Since there are no games to watch or track tonight, I figured I might pop in a sports movie to quell the pain. Trying to decide which got me to thinking about my favorite sports movies, and I decided to jot them down, in the ever-popular top-ten list format.
First, some honorable mentions:
Any Given Sunday- Strong Performance by Al Pacino, and some pretty cool cinematography.
The Legend of Bagger Vance- If you don't like golf, don't bother, but if you do like golf, this is a really good flick.
Raging Bull- Everybody puts this in their top ten because it's Scorsese. Honestly, it's good but not great.
Blue Chips- Shaq, Penny, and Nick Nolte. This movie is actually a very clever comment on college sports recruiting.
Friday Night Lights- Didn't think this movie was great, but Derek Luke's performance as Boobie Miles is worth the price of a rental.
Chariots of Fire- Stands the test of time.
The Mighty Ducks-Emilio Estevez used to be the balls. What ever happened to him?
Breaking Away- You can't watch this movie and not stand up and cheer during the climactic race. Plus teenage Daniel Stern. Booyah.
The Program- A lot of really compelling characters in this one, and a really cool Guns n Roses football montage.
The Sandlot- A reminder of when baseball was baseball, and the world was a bit more innocent.
Jerry Maguire- "I see a guy comin at me, I say Fuck It. Catch the ball. Booyah! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!"
Wow, how did some of those not make the Top Ten. This list is either going to suck, or it's going to be the ten greatest movies of all time. Either way we'll all have to kill ourselves. I used a lot of criteria as I started to pick movies, but in order to narrow it down to ten, I had to basically look at the climactic scene of each flick. The louder I cheered, or harder I cried, the better the movie. Enough babble:
#10) We have a tie. (Ok, so this is a top 11.)
Number 10A is the Rocky Franchise. (Ok, so this is a top 16.) The first one is an incredible character study, the fourth one is a profound social comment, and everything else just makes you want to go punch people in the face. Stallone's a badass.
-"If I can change... and you can change... then everybody can change!"
Number 10B is Cool Runnings. As long as you don't take yourself too seriously, this movie is hilarious. And if you don't well up a little bit at the end of the bobsled race, you have no soul.
-"Derese, ya dead?"
-"No, man. But I have to finish the race."
#9) Remember the Titans. Admittedly, a little Disneyed out, but the dynamic between the two coaches is great. Denzel kicks some serious ass.
-"I don't want them to gain another yard! If they cross that line of scrimmage every last one of you is coming out!"
#8) Karate Kid. A cog of '80s cinema. I always wanted to be a shower curtain for halloween.
-"Man who catch fly with chopsticks, can accomplish anything."
#7) Field of Dreams. This movie is everything that a movie should be. It has heart. A journey. Magic. Costner. There are so many iconic moments in this film it's hard to pick one.
-"Hey... Dad? You wanna have a catch?"
#6) Cinderella Man. A lot of good boxing movies have been made. For me, this is number one. A guy who just fights to keep the heat on for his family. There is no purer motivation. The ups and downs are almost unbearable. The guy who plays Max Baer is a phenomenal villain. Seeing Jim Braddock beg for money from men that used to be his peers is one of the hardest things for me to see on a screen. Paul Giammatti and Russell Crowe are perfect.
-"Maybe I understand, some, about having to fight. So you just remember who you are... you're the Bulldog of Bergen, and the Pride of New Jersey, you're everybody's hope, and the kids' hero, and you are the champion of my heart, James J. Braddock."
Now the top 5. To me, these were easy. These five films stand head and shoulders above the rest. Putting them in order was difficult. Honestly, you could rearrange them however it pleased you, and I'd be fine with it.
#5) Rudy. The greatest story in the history of possibly the greatest tradition in all of football. On a certain level this is what every boy dreams of. Growing up to put on the jersey and play for the team that they worship. (A year or two ago there was a trade in hockey. A guy who had grown up in the small town of edmonton and realized his dream of playing for his hometown Edmonton Oilers had been traded away. At his press conference, he bawled. Not just choked up. Bawled. This is what I'm talking about.) I think the thing that sets this movie apart is that Rudy never becomes a phenomenal football player. This story is purely about perseverance. It is impossible to watch this movie and not jump up and cheer at the end. And Favreau is the shit as D-Bob.
-"Well, you know what my dad always said. 'Having dreams is what makes life tolerable.'"
#4) Mystery, Alaska. This one, I'm guessing, takes most of you by surprise. This might be the only top ten list that this movie is on. I like small town America. I like David vs. Goliath. And I can't watch this movie without tearing up. If you haven't seen it, rent it. And invite me over. It's funny, it's quirky, and it's compelling. Burt Reynolds is essentially the Mr. Miyagi of Hockey. Talk about a silver fox.
-"I play hockey and I fornicate 'cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather."
#3) Hoosiers. The ultimate David vs. Goliath story. Dennis Hopper and Gene Hackman at their best. The score is amazing. Your heart will race. When I was little my parents and I would watch this the night before my first basketball game every year. Then my dad would let me pretend I was Jimmy Chitwood, and shoot a few hoops in the driveway in my pj's before bed. A must-see.
-"Coach, you need one more."
(dramatic pause)
-"My team's on the floor."
(I rip my pants off)
#2) The Natural. In addition to being a super-compelling sports story, this is an incredibly well-made film. On some levels it is personal and real, and on others it is epic and magical. It touches all bases, pardon the pun. Possibly the best SCENE in any of these movies is when Roy Hobbs smashes the final homerun into the outfield lights, and sparks rain down over the field as he rounds the bases. ROD.
-"Pick me out a winner, Bobby."
You guessed it,
#1) Green Street Hooligans. Soccer flick. Enough said. The first time I saw this I was by myself, at the Arclight theatre in Hollywood. It was so intense that I found myself nervously chewing. I ate my ticket stub, and half of my soda cup. No joke. This movie is intense. It's real. Any guy who has ever had guy friends that he thinks of as brothers will cry. I mail-ordered the DVD to get it early and paid like thirty bucks for it. Last week it cost five at Best buy. Totally worth it.
-"We didn't kill your son, Tommy! You did! You shoulda protected him, mate! He was your son!"
Anything I forgot? Feel free to chime in.
I'm forever blowing bubbles. Pretty bubbles in the air. They fly so hi, they reach the sky, and like my dreams, they fade, and die. Fortune's always hiding, I've looked everywhere. I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air. United! United!
There are two days each year when there are never any scheduled games in any of the four major US leagues. The day prior to the Major League Baseball all-star game, and today. The day after the MLB all-star game, also known to sports fans as Black Wednesday.
Since there are no games to watch or track tonight, I figured I might pop in a sports movie to quell the pain. Trying to decide which got me to thinking about my favorite sports movies, and I decided to jot them down, in the ever-popular top-ten list format.
First, some honorable mentions:
Any Given Sunday- Strong Performance by Al Pacino, and some pretty cool cinematography.
The Legend of Bagger Vance- If you don't like golf, don't bother, but if you do like golf, this is a really good flick.
Raging Bull- Everybody puts this in their top ten because it's Scorsese. Honestly, it's good but not great.
Blue Chips- Shaq, Penny, and Nick Nolte. This movie is actually a very clever comment on college sports recruiting.
Friday Night Lights- Didn't think this movie was great, but Derek Luke's performance as Boobie Miles is worth the price of a rental.
Chariots of Fire- Stands the test of time.
The Mighty Ducks-Emilio Estevez used to be the balls. What ever happened to him?
Breaking Away- You can't watch this movie and not stand up and cheer during the climactic race. Plus teenage Daniel Stern. Booyah.
The Program- A lot of really compelling characters in this one, and a really cool Guns n Roses football montage.
The Sandlot- A reminder of when baseball was baseball, and the world was a bit more innocent.
Jerry Maguire- "I see a guy comin at me, I say Fuck It. Catch the ball. Booyah! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!"
Wow, how did some of those not make the Top Ten. This list is either going to suck, or it's going to be the ten greatest movies of all time. Either way we'll all have to kill ourselves. I used a lot of criteria as I started to pick movies, but in order to narrow it down to ten, I had to basically look at the climactic scene of each flick. The louder I cheered, or harder I cried, the better the movie. Enough babble:
#10) We have a tie. (Ok, so this is a top 11.)
Number 10A is the Rocky Franchise. (Ok, so this is a top 16.) The first one is an incredible character study, the fourth one is a profound social comment, and everything else just makes you want to go punch people in the face. Stallone's a badass.
-"If I can change... and you can change... then everybody can change!"
Number 10B is Cool Runnings. As long as you don't take yourself too seriously, this movie is hilarious. And if you don't well up a little bit at the end of the bobsled race, you have no soul.
-"Derese, ya dead?"
-"No, man. But I have to finish the race."
#9) Remember the Titans. Admittedly, a little Disneyed out, but the dynamic between the two coaches is great. Denzel kicks some serious ass.
-"I don't want them to gain another yard! If they cross that line of scrimmage every last one of you is coming out!"
#8) Karate Kid. A cog of '80s cinema. I always wanted to be a shower curtain for halloween.
-"Man who catch fly with chopsticks, can accomplish anything."
#7) Field of Dreams. This movie is everything that a movie should be. It has heart. A journey. Magic. Costner. There are so many iconic moments in this film it's hard to pick one.
-"Hey... Dad? You wanna have a catch?"
#6) Cinderella Man. A lot of good boxing movies have been made. For me, this is number one. A guy who just fights to keep the heat on for his family. There is no purer motivation. The ups and downs are almost unbearable. The guy who plays Max Baer is a phenomenal villain. Seeing Jim Braddock beg for money from men that used to be his peers is one of the hardest things for me to see on a screen. Paul Giammatti and Russell Crowe are perfect.
-"Maybe I understand, some, about having to fight. So you just remember who you are... you're the Bulldog of Bergen, and the Pride of New Jersey, you're everybody's hope, and the kids' hero, and you are the champion of my heart, James J. Braddock."
Now the top 5. To me, these were easy. These five films stand head and shoulders above the rest. Putting them in order was difficult. Honestly, you could rearrange them however it pleased you, and I'd be fine with it.
#5) Rudy. The greatest story in the history of possibly the greatest tradition in all of football. On a certain level this is what every boy dreams of. Growing up to put on the jersey and play for the team that they worship. (A year or two ago there was a trade in hockey. A guy who had grown up in the small town of edmonton and realized his dream of playing for his hometown Edmonton Oilers had been traded away. At his press conference, he bawled. Not just choked up. Bawled. This is what I'm talking about.) I think the thing that sets this movie apart is that Rudy never becomes a phenomenal football player. This story is purely about perseverance. It is impossible to watch this movie and not jump up and cheer at the end. And Favreau is the shit as D-Bob.
-"Well, you know what my dad always said. 'Having dreams is what makes life tolerable.'"
#4) Mystery, Alaska. This one, I'm guessing, takes most of you by surprise. This might be the only top ten list that this movie is on. I like small town America. I like David vs. Goliath. And I can't watch this movie without tearing up. If you haven't seen it, rent it. And invite me over. It's funny, it's quirky, and it's compelling. Burt Reynolds is essentially the Mr. Miyagi of Hockey. Talk about a silver fox.
-"I play hockey and I fornicate 'cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather."
#3) Hoosiers. The ultimate David vs. Goliath story. Dennis Hopper and Gene Hackman at their best. The score is amazing. Your heart will race. When I was little my parents and I would watch this the night before my first basketball game every year. Then my dad would let me pretend I was Jimmy Chitwood, and shoot a few hoops in the driveway in my pj's before bed. A must-see.
-"Coach, you need one more."
(dramatic pause)
-"My team's on the floor."
(I rip my pants off)
#2) The Natural. In addition to being a super-compelling sports story, this is an incredibly well-made film. On some levels it is personal and real, and on others it is epic and magical. It touches all bases, pardon the pun. Possibly the best SCENE in any of these movies is when Roy Hobbs smashes the final homerun into the outfield lights, and sparks rain down over the field as he rounds the bases. ROD.
-"Pick me out a winner, Bobby."
You guessed it,
#1) Green Street Hooligans. Soccer flick. Enough said. The first time I saw this I was by myself, at the Arclight theatre in Hollywood. It was so intense that I found myself nervously chewing. I ate my ticket stub, and half of my soda cup. No joke. This movie is intense. It's real. Any guy who has ever had guy friends that he thinks of as brothers will cry. I mail-ordered the DVD to get it early and paid like thirty bucks for it. Last week it cost five at Best buy. Totally worth it.
-"We didn't kill your son, Tommy! You did! You shoulda protected him, mate! He was your son!"
Anything I forgot? Feel free to chime in.
I'm forever blowing bubbles. Pretty bubbles in the air. They fly so hi, they reach the sky, and like my dreams, they fade, and die. Fortune's always hiding, I've looked everywhere. I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air. United! United!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
This one's for the ladies. But fellas, listen close...
While we all enjoy this weekend and use Independence Day as an excuse to gorge ourselves on food and alcohol, let's take a minute to just remember the sacrifices that have been made. I was gonna write something patriotic, but even I can't improve on this:
Some of you may have heard of or read the Sullivan Ballou Letter. Major ballou fought in the Civil War, not the Revolution, but gave his life for our country and its values nonetheless. A week before the battle of Bull Run he wrote probably the most compelling love letter in history to his wife, Sarah. Here is an excerpt:
Some of you may have heard of or read the Sullivan Ballou Letter. Major ballou fought in the Civil War, not the Revolution, but gave his life for our country and its values nonetheless. A week before the battle of Bull Run he wrote probably the most compelling love letter in history to his wife, Sarah. Here is an excerpt:
July 14, 1861
Camp Clark, Washington
My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .
Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .
Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull Run, July 21, 1861.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Z for Zachariah...
At some point when I was in grade school I read a book called Z for Zachariah. To the best of my recollection it was a story about some girl that was the lone survivor of a nuclear war, and wanders around in this valley all alone, on, and on, and on. I read a lot when I was young, and nothing about that book seemed particularly interesting to me except for the title. When you're that age, titles are generally pretty straightforward. The Red Coat: Winterwear of a particular color. A Lonely Puppy: Runaway dog. Z for Zachariah...
At that age, it made no sense to me, so I was intrigued to find out what exactly that was all about. At some point in the book, after realizing that she has been left alone through the nuclear fallout, the main character (the story, I believe, was written in first-person) describes her recollection of a children's alphabet book where the first page is A for Adam, and is related to how Adam was the first man on the planet. I don't remember the analogy exactly, but the main character had come to the realization that she was the last person on the planet, and had related that to the letter Z, and concludes that She must be Zachariah, presumably the last man in the Bible.
Some pretty heavy, if obvious, symbolic undertones for a children's book. And, while the hypothetical question has been posed to all of us, I don't think any of us actually believe that we will ever be the last person on the planet.*
In certain respects, though, we are already. As typing, texting, and tweeting become more and more prevalent means of communicating, the act of a simple conversation falls by the wayside. The comforting humanity of a face to face chat and a sweaty handshake has now become icy and awkward. As our interpersonal skills diminish, so does our respect and appreciation for one another.
Technology is an invaluable tool, and an uncontrollable evil. It lends power and credence to cowards. Literally written into the foundation of this country is the designation of confronting one's accusers as a man's god-given birthright. However, with the advent of the internet anyone can say anything they want without having to live under the very valuable fear of repercussions. Tough to punch someone in the face through an internet connection.
As I sit here and aimlessly circle for a conclusion, I realize that there isn't one. Technology will continue to advance, and do great things for our society and our planet. Unfortunately the dreck of our terribly lazy and out of touch country will continue to abuse it. All I can do is be responsible for myself. I have an infinite number of character flaws. One thing I pride myself on is that I never say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face. Hopefully that is apparent to people that I interact with. Hopefully they will hold me accountable. And maybe, just maybe, they will decide that is something they'd like to strive for as well.
*In the event of the zombie apocalypse, grab anything that can be used as a weapon, and meet me and the rest of The Volksfrai Movement on the roof of the Costco.
At that age, it made no sense to me, so I was intrigued to find out what exactly that was all about. At some point in the book, after realizing that she has been left alone through the nuclear fallout, the main character (the story, I believe, was written in first-person) describes her recollection of a children's alphabet book where the first page is A for Adam, and is related to how Adam was the first man on the planet. I don't remember the analogy exactly, but the main character had come to the realization that she was the last person on the planet, and had related that to the letter Z, and concludes that She must be Zachariah, presumably the last man in the Bible.
Some pretty heavy, if obvious, symbolic undertones for a children's book. And, while the hypothetical question has been posed to all of us, I don't think any of us actually believe that we will ever be the last person on the planet.*
In certain respects, though, we are already. As typing, texting, and tweeting become more and more prevalent means of communicating, the act of a simple conversation falls by the wayside. The comforting humanity of a face to face chat and a sweaty handshake has now become icy and awkward. As our interpersonal skills diminish, so does our respect and appreciation for one another.
Technology is an invaluable tool, and an uncontrollable evil. It lends power and credence to cowards. Literally written into the foundation of this country is the designation of confronting one's accusers as a man's god-given birthright. However, with the advent of the internet anyone can say anything they want without having to live under the very valuable fear of repercussions. Tough to punch someone in the face through an internet connection.
As I sit here and aimlessly circle for a conclusion, I realize that there isn't one. Technology will continue to advance, and do great things for our society and our planet. Unfortunately the dreck of our terribly lazy and out of touch country will continue to abuse it. All I can do is be responsible for myself. I have an infinite number of character flaws. One thing I pride myself on is that I never say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face. Hopefully that is apparent to people that I interact with. Hopefully they will hold me accountable. And maybe, just maybe, they will decide that is something they'd like to strive for as well.
*In the event of the zombie apocalypse, grab anything that can be used as a weapon, and meet me and the rest of The Volksfrai Movement on the roof of the Costco.
Blogging...
I am my own biggest fan. I feel it's important to establish that straightaway. To me, my thoughts and opinions move mountains and stem tides. Kings are silenced, and the cries of the repressed echo for miles when my musings hit the page.
I was unaware, until this phenomenon of blogging began sweeping the world, that so many others of my ilk were out there, crouching in the dark and dusty corners of cyberspace. A little crazy to think that we are all so scary important that we must document our every fleeting thought, but hell, Jesus did it. and look how good it worked out for him.
Anyway, as I was mulling the thought of treading water in the infinite abyss of cyberspace, my thoughts drifted to the sage wisdom of the late Phil Hartman, when he was playing Bill McNeil on Newsradio back in the late 90's. (Aaahh, the late 90's... sigh...)
There is an episode of Newsradio where a review categorizes Bill as "adequate," and he spends much of the episode bragging to anyone who will listen how proud he is to have achieved this designation of adequacy. Reminds me of you. Yes, you.
Anyway, he ultimately admits that he knows adequate sucks, but was hoping that if he presented it as exceptional, other people would hop on the bandwagon. Bill McNeil is one of my favorite all time characters, and I leave you with some quotes from the show that I wish I was clever enough to write...
Dave: "Bill McNeil is ...adequate... I'm sorry Bill."
Bill: "Sorry? Sorry, you weren't singled out and deemed adequate?"
"...After all adequacy is the hallmark of great journalism."
"What is adequate journalism if not great journalism?"
"We'll finish this later, after I fulfill my duties with my customary adequaucivity."
"It's one thing, of course, to know you're adequate, but, to have a fellow member of the press stand up and say 'Yes, you sir are adequate,' Let me tell you it is a very special feeling."
"Well, I'm off to astonish the world with more feats of adequataqaticism."
Dave: "Everything going adequately?"
Bill: "Very adequately sir, I'm virtually bursting with adequatulence."
I was unaware, until this phenomenon of blogging began sweeping the world, that so many others of my ilk were out there, crouching in the dark and dusty corners of cyberspace. A little crazy to think that we are all so scary important that we must document our every fleeting thought, but hell, Jesus did it. and look how good it worked out for him.
Anyway, as I was mulling the thought of treading water in the infinite abyss of cyberspace, my thoughts drifted to the sage wisdom of the late Phil Hartman, when he was playing Bill McNeil on Newsradio back in the late 90's. (Aaahh, the late 90's... sigh...)
There is an episode of Newsradio where a review categorizes Bill as "adequate," and he spends much of the episode bragging to anyone who will listen how proud he is to have achieved this designation of adequacy. Reminds me of you. Yes, you.
Anyway, he ultimately admits that he knows adequate sucks, but was hoping that if he presented it as exceptional, other people would hop on the bandwagon. Bill McNeil is one of my favorite all time characters, and I leave you with some quotes from the show that I wish I was clever enough to write...
Dave: "Bill McNeil is ...adequate... I'm sorry Bill."
Bill: "Sorry? Sorry, you weren't singled out and deemed adequate?"
"...After all adequacy is the hallmark of great journalism."
"What is adequate journalism if not great journalism?"
"We'll finish this later, after I fulfill my duties with my customary adequaucivity."
"It's one thing, of course, to know you're adequate, but, to have a fellow member of the press stand up and say 'Yes, you sir are adequate,' Let me tell you it is a very special feeling."
"Well, I'm off to astonish the world with more feats of adequataqaticism."
Dave: "Everything going adequately?"
Bill: "Very adequately sir, I'm virtually bursting with adequatulence."
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